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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28692510">Phoenix Downer (or How Lord Voldemort finally learned to stop fearing death)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MartinGreywolf/pseuds/MartinGreywolf'>MartinGreywolf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:48:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28692510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MartinGreywolf/pseuds/MartinGreywolf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom Riddle finds yet another way to cheat death and lives (heh) to regret it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Phoenix Downer (or How Lord Voldemort finally learned to stop fearing death)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In retrospect, it was not a good idea to underestimate Remus Lupin.</p><p>	When most people see their best and only friend get killed in front of them, they understandably break down – make rash decisions, or just stand there, disbelieving. But most people aren’t Remus Lupin, a veteran of two wars who has seen his share of battles and dead friends and had to move on.</p><p>	And so, when Sirius fell through the veil and Harry dashed after his killer, Remus stayed behind, made sure reinforcements (one A. Dumbledore) were on their way to Harry, made sure the battle in the Department of Mysteries was finished (and if he used more unpleasant spells than he usually would, only he would know) and the wounded were taken care of.</p><p>	Then, he calmly dusted himself off and made his way towards the elevators. If any of those who knew him were still alive, they’d tell you that a completely calm Remus Lupin is very bad news indeed – but they were dead, and thus could tell no tales.</p><p>	And so it was that this calm Remus Lupin emerged out of the elevator just in time to see Bellatrix Lestrange in a golden-elf-administered headlock while Lord Voldemort was playing the  “who knows the flashiest spell” game with Albus Dumbledore.</p><p>	Remus Lupin then raised his wand, aimed straight for the Dark Lord – not Bellatrix, he always had his priorities in order, it was why he made Prefect – and, without further ado, monologue or even a Bond one-liner, cast a silent Killing Curse, while smiling. It wasn’t a particularly nice smile.</p>
<hr/><p>Tom Riddle, known to most as Lord Voldemort, did, in fact, see this coming – if you murder as many people as he did, you tend to make some enemies, and it’s only a matter of time, really, before one of them gets you with a spell in the back.</p><p>	The fact that he was currently attempting to turn Albus Dumbledore inside out and therefore had his wand and mind aimed in a completely different direction, did not help.</p><p>	Still, he wasn’t the most feared Dark Lord this century for nothing, and it was a testament to his reflexes that he even saw the green spell speeding towards him.</p><p>	Unfortunately, there was little he could do, there was no time for a silent spell, apparition or even to possess Potter (currently being tackled under a golden statue). So he did the only bit of magic that was fast enough, one that did not require any wand use, and turned into his Animagus form.</p><p>	Then the Killing Curse struck his new form right in the centre of mass.</p><p>	Honestly, he really should get to writing that research paper, because whoever said the Killing Curse was painless was clearly never hit with one. Nonetheless, he was still alive and triumphant, so a cutting remark to his foes was in order.</p><p>	“You fools! I am Lord Voldemort, and above Death itself!” he declared. What came out of his mouth, in a distressingly baby-like voice, was: “Buh bah WAAAAAH!”</p>
<hr/><p>Harry Potter was not having a good day. It started with Dolores Umbridge and just went downhill from there, really. Still, when Lord Voldemort transformed into a phoenix, was promptly hit with a Killing Curse and rose from his own ashes as a toddler, it left him a bit speechless.</p><p>	He was hardly the only one, and unfortunately for them, it was Bellatrix Lestrange who recovered first, dived for her Lord and apparated away with him.</p><p>	“Well, bugger,” said he, still dazed, although none of the officials that emerged from the Floo mere seconds earlier, just in time to see whatever the hell it was that just happened, bothered to record these historic words.</p><p>	“So, uh, Remus? Did that really…”</p><p>	“I… think so?”</p><p>	“Oh. So now there’s a Toddlermort on the loose?”</p>
<hr/><p>Albus Dumbledore was, once again, twinkling, as all had gone as he planned. Mostly. Voldemort’s return was now acknowledged and Voldemort himself was neutralized for good.</p><p>	It was now time to deal with the press, dismiss charges against Remus for that Killing Curse and get him and Harry, both hysterically laughing for some reason, to Hogwarts. There was a lot Harry had to be told today, and the return of Voldemort was an open-and-shut case now – which meant he would be stuck at the Ministry for at least half an hour.</p><p>	Cornelius was rather adorable, really, protesting the use of unauthorized portkeys.</p>
<hr/><p>Harry stared Dumbledore right in the eye, snatched a glass of Firewhisky and downed it.<br/>
The headmaster raised an eyebrow at Remus, who only half-heartedly shrugged and downed a shot himself.</p><p>	It was, to put it mildly, a roller-coaster of a conversation they had – unforgivables, horcruxes,  blood wards and, most unbelievably of all, a genuine prophecy made by Sibyl Trelawney, all on top of the already eventful day.</p><p>	Still, there was one very, very obvious thing that Harry felt they were ignoring so far.</p><p>	“Um, Professor?”</p><p>	“Yes, Harry?”</p><p>	“I can’t help but notice that none of this explains why Voldemort turned into a baby.”</p><p>	“You know, I was wondering about that, purely academically,” snarked Remus.</p><p>	“Ah, that would be thanks to a rather impressive work by Severus.”</p><p>	“Snape turned Voldemort into a toddler?”</p><p>	“Professor Snape, Harry.”</p><p>	“Yes, well, Harry’s lack of proper address aside… what?” asked Remus.</p><p>	“Ah, you recall how we discussed how Voldemort’s greatest fear always was, and I daresay still is, death? Specifically his own death?”</p><p>	Remus and Harry, both as clueless as each other, mutely nodded.</p><p>	“Well, when it comes to avoiding death – raising from the ashes of your own demise, even – there is no magical being more experienced than a phoenix. Voldemort, being familiar – pardon the pun – with Fawkes and having his tail feather as his wand core is, of course, very well aware of this.”</p><p>	“It was quite an ingenious idea of mine, if you pardon a little self-aggrandizing, to instruct Severus to steer Voldemort into attempting to become a phoenix Animagus.”</p><p>	“You can have a magical animal as your Animagus form?” asked Harry, with entirely too innocent expression.</p><p>	“Apparently so, although none before Lord Voldemort achieved such, and I will be certain to inquire with Severus for details of how, exactly, it was accomplished. I thought the idea would be all the more appealing to Voldemort since I myself have never mastered the transformation.”</p><p>	“That’s… fascinating, I suppose, but how exactly does it help us? And why is Voldemort a toddler?” asked Remus.</p><p>	“Ah, both questions have the same answer, as it happens. You see, when you master an Animagus transformation, you do, in a sense, become the animal in question. I’m sure you noticed how Sirius’ laughter resembled barking? Or how Minerva acts aloof until you find the right place behind the ear to scratch?”</p><p>	“Metaphorically speaking?” asked Harry with a grin.</p><p>	“Let’s assume so, for the sake of us all,” twinkled Dumbledore.</p><p>	Harry and Remus quietly digested the news for a while, before Harry spoke up again.</p><p>	“So, phoenixes turn into a hatchling phoenix when they die, so Voldemort, when he died, turned into a human hatchling: a toddler. Won’t he be back in action in a week or so, though?”</p><p>	“Why would he, Harry?”</p><p>	“Well, phoenixes grow up in a week, don’t they?”</p><p>	“So they do, but, if you look at it from a different point of view, you could also say the phoenixes grow up at a rate that is natural for their species.”</p><p>	Harry and Remus sat up in shock, looked at each other and started laughing once more, a situation that was not helped when Dumbledore asked them who this Toddlermort character they kept referring to was. In the end, Remus was the first to recover.</p><p>	“Well, all right Albus, that was definitely funny, but we will have to deal with him eventually. All we really did was buy time – not that that is a bad thing, but…”</p><p>	“Oh, I don’t think that’s all that we did. Much like rebirth from ashes is in the nature of a phoenix, so is its natural alignment towards Light – an alignment Voldemort now shares. I suspect he will decide to reunite his soul in time, a most excruciating process from what I’ve heard.”</p><p>	“Wait, Snape managed to turn Voldemort good?”</p><p>	“I’m not sure if we can go as far as good, but Voldemort will certainly be deprived of his most dangerous weapons. Still, I may be wrong, and the only way to know for sure is to find the horcruxes – an endeavour in which I wish to enlist help of professionals.”</p><p>	“Are you sure about that, Albus? You’d have to tell them all of… this,” said Remus.</p><p>	At that question, Dumbledore’s eyes reached peak twinkle.</p><p>	“Why, I already told them. After all, Harry is the only person this century who managed to destroy a horcrux.”</p>
<hr/><p>Albus Dumbledore was, not for the first time, entirely wrong. He was, after all, not an Animagus himself, by his own admission.</p><p>	Perhaps if he had asked his Deputy, the only living Animagus in Britain at the moment (except, unbeknownst to the Headmaster, that was not true either), she would have told him about Animagi and animals, and how their traits mixed. About how it was not just animal influencing human, but also human influencing what animal he would be – and Lord Voldemort had the desire to flee death in common with any phoenix.</p><p>	She would have also told him of how free will always, always reigned supreme, no matter what your animal instincts had to say, and any dog Animagus could learn to not fear fire and not bark at vacuum cleaners, and how it then stood to reason that a phoenix Animagus would learn not to shy away from darkest of magics.</p><p>	Just about the only thing he got right was that Voldemort would indeed have to spend the standard human amount of time growing up again, going through the joy of potty training and puberty.</p><p>	But this was Albus Dumbledore of many titles, and he was not in the habit of discussing any of his plans with his subordinates. He would have been better served to read less Jomini and more Clausewitz in his youth, perhaps, but in the end, it mattered little.</p><p>	In the end, Albus Dumbledore just got lucky.</p>
<hr/><p>His entire existence was torture. It was one thing for toddlers to learn how to walk and talk, when they were unhindered by such things as pride, it was quite another for the (former?) Dark Lord.</p><p>	Even his magic refused to obey him – he knew it was there, could still feel it, but it was erratic and refused to respond to his commands, as if it was the magic of, well, a toddler.</p><p>	What was ten thousand times worse, however, was his caretaker. Bellatrix Lestrange decided to raise her beloved Lord, as was proper, and devoted all her time to his care. While the changing of diapers was humiliating, to say the least, it was only the beginning.</p><p>	When he was slow to start walking and talking – the latter on account of his own unwillingness to hear his own squeaky voice – Bellatrix convinced herself he had suffered some sort of damage from the Killing Curse and was having learning difficulties! Him! Lord Voldemort!</p><p>	Never mind that she could just use Legillimency on him, as Severus, ever loyal Severus, suggested! No, she damn near killed his almost-saviour and demanded he teach her the phoenix transformation! The gall! The… oh God and Merlin, here she comes again!</p><p>	“Hewwo, widdle Wowdy!”</p><p>	“Not that voice again!” said the Dark Lord, although what came out of his mouth was: “Gwoh hweh weh gwahah!”</p><p>	“Who’s a good widdle dawk lowd! You are! Now auntie Bella is going to read from a book, and we will sit and be a good boy, and we will read through this booksie for widdle dawk lowds with leawning difficuwties!”</p><p>	“The only solace,” Voldemort thought, “Is that she calls herself aunt Bella, because I don’t think I could handle her as a mother.”</p><p>	“Oh, I forgot, stupid Bella, stupid! That book said children need a nurturing maternal figure, and my name is hard to say! Come hewe, widdle Dawk Lowd, come to mommy!”</p><p>	“Whatever I did to deserve this,” pleaded Voldemort in his mind, “I am truly sorry.” And for once, he actually meant it.</p>
<hr/><p>In an office far away, a ring shattered.</p>
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